E V E R Y L I T T L E T E A P O T H A S A F R Y I N G P A N W I T H I N


I: Every little teapot

has a frying pan within,

and each and every frying pan

is made in Ho Chi Minh.

And when all teapots come rolling

they come rolling hard as rock,

and all frying pans come running

to get high on teapot stock.

And stocks are made for money

and money as a rule

will treat all human beings

like any kitchen tool.

And all teapots will be happy

and all frying pans be cool,

and you may be an idiot

and I may be a fool.

And I may be the idiot

and you may be the fool —

but if you are for cooking food,

I love you. All is good.

And if you are for boiling tea,

it's good and even better

than if you are a keeper

to marry a goalgetter.

And if you are a dying man,

this song can be your frying pan,

and if you can keep going

it will be like teapots, loving.

And if you tell me nothing,

I will hear nothing at all.

And each and every highway

is a way from which to fall

IN LOVE

Every little teapot

has a frying pan within,

and each and every frying pan

are made in Ho Chi Minh.

And if you tell me nothing,

I will hear nothing at all.

And each and every highway

is a way from which to fall

Ø: Hello.

W: I am a teapot.

Ø: I am a frying pan.

W: I am a teapot from hell.

J: I am the US Drug Czar.

Ø: Hello. You are welcome. This is BAKTRÜPPEN LIGHT METAL BAND.

In order to become a better bank, we have been exploring

the world of money and finance

trying to find out

where the money comes from

how the money multiplies

and becomes Big Money

and how it is that all the money always disappears

and we have made some songs about these things.

I: Hello.

SICK! FUCK! STORY

One, two… Come on!

Hello.

You can count me in.

Three, four, five…

Hi.

Six, seven. Eight.

Hello. Wait. Please wait. Wall Street? No! Shit.

Eight is a lucky number. Do you remember?

No.

Don't you remember?

No.

Do you remember?

What?

Me neither. Sick! Fuck! And thank you! Repeat!

Before we repeat this song I must say

that the lyrics of this song is made in the USA.

This thin verbal soup is a readymade

love song from the New York Stock Exchange.

One, two… Come on!

Hello.

You can count me in.

Three, four, five…

Hi.

Six, seven. Eight.

Hello. Wait. Please wait. Wall Street? No! Shit.

Eight is a lucky number. Do you remember?

No.

Don't you remember?

No.

Do you remember?

What?

Me neither. Sick! Fuck! And thank you! Repeat!

And still repeating what I say

that the lyrics of this song is made in the USA.

This thin verbal soup is a readymade

love song from the New York Stock Exchange.

I: Thank you.

———————————————————————————————————————

DE LA RUE

Ø: In developed economies, almost nothing of the money in circulation really exists

outside our minds and the accounting books. As much as 97 % of the money

in developed economies exists only in the way of pure fiction. Only 3 % of the money really exists in the form of cash. But still, cash is king, and we wanted to meet the king maker, that is: the money maker: De La Rue, the world's biggest provider of cash. De La Rue is a London based corporation, established in 1813 by the man on their logo.

I: De La Rue is printing money for more than 160 countries, working very close with all the peculiar national Central Banks and making all kinds of currencies. For security reasons, their biggest printing press is situated on Malta, a small island in the middle of the Mediterranean. In April 2008 we went there and tried to get in.

Ø: We try to get in.

I: It is nobody there. I have to ring the bell.

Pling!

J: Yes, what can I do for you?

I: Hello, we are Baktruppen Light Metal Band from Norway. We wonder if we could have a tour inside the factory?

J: Madam, I can tell you immediately that that is not possible.

I: Could it be possible if we came back at another time?

J: No, I am sorry.

I: Could it be possible if we get a special permission?

J: I don't think so. This is a high security factory.

I: Could we pay some money to get in?

J: No.

I: Ok. Thank you very much. Goodbye.

J: Goodbye.

W: If I were a teapot, I would rob a bank.

———————————————————————————————————————

GERMANY BY THE RIVER

Ø: I don't know. You know, being denied access

to the money printing press makes one think:

We had to make Baktruppen a better bank

and in June we went to Germany by the river

as highly privileged currency artists from developed economies

not like normal people from Somalia or Vietnam.

When normal people from Somalia or Vietnam try to enter

Germany by the river, it usually goes like this:

Pling!

J: Yes, what can I do for you?

I: Hello, we are some normal people from Somalia or Vietnam. We wonder if we could have a tour inside Germany by the river?

J: Madam, I can tell you immediately that that is not possible.

I: Could it be possible if we came back at another time?

J: No, I am sorry.

I: Could it be possible if we get a special permission?

J: I don't think so. This Germany by the river is a high security place.

I: Could we pay some money to get in?

J: No.

I: Ok. Thank you very much. Goodbye.

J: Goodbye.

W: If I am a teapot, I might rob a bank and then cook the books and then become very rich.

———————————————————————————————————————

A$$HOLE$

Ø: And once upon a time there was an asshole,

         an asshole with no music.

                   Then there came another asshole.

And sweet music made both assholes tremble.

         And coming to think about it,

                   money is like assholes,

                   they're all coming from within.

All:

Money like assholes, they come from within.

Money like assholes, they come from within.

Money like assholes, they come from within.

Money like assholes, they come from within.

Money like assholes, they come from within.

Money like assholes, they come from within.

Money like assholes, they come from within.

Money like assholes, they come from within.

Money like assholes, they come from within.

Money like assholes, they come from within.

Money like assholes, they come from within.

Money like assholes, they come from within.

Money like assholes, they come from within.

Money like assholes, they come from within.

Money like assholes, they come from within.

Money like assholes, they come from within.

PH: Now we are talking.

Talking like this, we are creating money.

J: Hello.

I am the US drug czar and so are you.

I am very pissy to meet with.

It is a pleasure to understand this.

It is always a pleasure.

Thank you, the pleasure is on my side of the road to heaven.

Why is this so?

Because… hello?

I am the US drug czar and so.

Are you pissy to meet with too?

As I said hello, it was two people who used to take a lot of drugs.

Then one of them said to the other, as I said, hello.

Hello, he said.

I am the US drug czar and so.

I am very pissy to misunderstand you.

Pleasure, you know.

It is always a pleasure.

And yes, I am sorry, but it's good and fair enough and a pleasure to piss you.

I understand, I said.

Do you? he said, you see, I was the other one of those two or three people.

No. We were four. Ok, listen, please.

We were four policemen, taking drugs all the time, when you think about it.

When you think about it, you said, I, then a short pause, then I, I could.

Long silence.

I could be raping the president now, I said.

I could not, he said.

No? I said. Why?

Because I am the president's asshole, he said.

Oh.

Hello.

My name is Virgin, I said. And what does the president's asshole do?

The president's asshole is in charge of staff, promotions and delicate matters.

And do you know what assholes do with all US drug czars?

No, I said, I had noe idea.

Assholes… rape… all… US drug czars... mentally, he said.

AND NOW I'M GONNA FUCK YOUR BRAINS OUT!

And it is true, he did what assholes do,

but I am a good US drug czar and a good US drug czar doesn't care at all.

Do you hear me?

A good US drug czar doesn't care about a shit in the whole fucking world.

And I am a good US drug czar. Hello?

PH: Now we are talking.

Talking like this, we are creating money.

I: To create new money out of thin air all the time,

we had to stop being a band, and start being a bank:

BAKTRUPPEN, a better bank.

W: We had to put all our silly teapots together,

and create a MONEY POOL.

I: I can explain all this later, the economist says. Oh no.

J: Madam, I can tell you immediately that that is not possible.

I: I can explain why I cannot explain, the economist says. Oh no.

J: Madam, I can tell you immediately that that is not possible.

I: Do you hear me? This is our story, OUR STORY:

I: Big Money and Small Change

once went out to dine.

Small Change said: What do you want?

Everything is fine!

And Big Money did get the whole lot,

and Small Change did not.

But when the bill came, it was strange

how Big Money could use Small Change.

Refr.: I could be big…… I could be small…….

I could change all……………………………….

————————————————————————————————————

THE KEY TO THE ECONOMY

I: Some say it is all about money.

Some gentlemen prefer finance.

Some say that moonlight is too sunny.

Some say we should smile, sing and dance.

Some tell us to shut up and fuck off.

Some say we should cook food from hell.

Some say we must act responsible.

Some say we cannot and some say we can.

Some say it is good to love money.

Some say it is not, no, no, no.

Some seem to think we should know.

Some tell them to stop being funny.

Some say we will stop just in time.

Some say we will rather not.

Some say we will always remember.

God knows we already forgot.

Some say to forget you forgot

is to be a luckyfuck bastard!

Some say what you do not what not

is to be a luckyfucky bastard too!

Ø: We heard someone saying that the key to the economy is Human Resources.

Now, we are all Human Resources,

and coming to think about it

we got the idea that we must be the key to the economy.

Pling!

J: Yes, what can I do for you?

I: Hello, we are the key to the economy. We wonder if we could have a tour inside?

J: Madam, I can tell you immediately that that is not possible.

I: Could it be possible if we came back at another time?

J: No, I am sorry.

I: Could it be possible if we get a special permission?

J: I don't think so. This is a high security economy.

I: Could we pay some money to get in?

J: No.

I: Ok. Thank you very much. Goodbye.

J: Goodbye.

W: Since I was a teapot, I robbed a bank and cooked the books and became very rich. And then I would like to buy some new shoes.

Ø: I am going to buy new shoes.

So.

Since I have been going to buy new shoes

I have been walking a lot.

Then, suddenly, another day

I find the new shoes and I buy them and I

I walk right out of the old junk shoes

and into the new ones.

Now, I must find some new shoes

before the new ones get old and dirty.

A person my age cannot walk around in old shoes

looking like a garbage collector.

I am going to buy new shoes.

So should you.

You should always think about buying new shoes.

That is, more or less, all you should ever think about.

Ø: Thank you.

———————————————————————————————————————

TRADING

J:                Money

         rhymes with honey.

                   Honey

         rhymes with milk.

                   Milk

         comes from a cow

                   or a goat

                   or a woman

                   or an elephant

                   or a horse

         and also rhymes, of course.

I:                No money

         rhymes with more honey.

                   More, honey?

         That rhymes with booze.

                   Booze

         rhymes with choose

                   a whisky

                   or a vodka

                   a genever

                   or a gin

         which rhymes even with money, from within.

Ø:               China

         rhymes with China.

                   Europe

         rhymes with you, cop!

                   Cops

         are bad for business.

                   Easyness

                   is all.

         The point is

rhymes with piss.

         If you think —

PH:   money

                   is a wall

         then, honey

                   you can not drink

                   all.

         And if you don't know

         how to stop

                   then, love

         somebody will call

                   a cop

         and all will be the same.

W: The same same different one

         who asks about your name,

                   from where you came

                   and how come

                   you and I

                   and why

         and we will fry

         in a frying pan

         and no crying can

         beat a teapot

         if it means a lot

Bo:             to you

         if you can rhyme

         with butter too

         and bread to kill some

                   awful time

         and I will come

and make you smile

at money stuff

         and finance, love

         and that's enough.

Stop rhyming! Stop right now!

————————————————————————————————————

THE OLD COWS OF CURRENCY AND HOLY SHIT

W: I know what you feel, I don't know what to say.

I know where I am and walk out of my way

to milk a dead cow and make strange beauty sound

like the heaven above when it comes from the ground.

And now I am here, but I'm soon moving on

and when I get home, then I will be gone 

distributing high peaks at mean and flat tails

with a frequency of vol vol future values, is that clear?

Ø: Hello.

We are the money of this world.

We are everything that counts.

So are you.

You are the money of this world.

Humanity is one big bank.

And did you know, that all over the world

for thousands of years

Big Money meant cattle, oxen and cows?

And do you know if all the holy cows

have left the building

or if they still work their wonderful magic

in all our banks and currencies all around the world?

Do you know?

How could you possibly know?

Pling!

J: Yes, what can I do for you?

I: Hello, we are the old cows of currency and holy shit. We wonder if we could get out of it?

J: Madam, I can tell you immediately that that is not possible.

I: Could it be possible if we try at another time?

J: No, I am sorry.

I: Could it be possible if we get a special permission?

J: I don't think so. This is a high security prison economy.

I: Could we pay some money to get out?

J: No.

I: Ok. Thank you very much. Goodbye.

J: Goodbye.

W: I am a rich teapot

and a dying man,

I fell in love

with a frying pan.

DANCE